i’ve loved the song “light years away” by mozella for a long time now, well before i could ever even relate to it. after the breakup last year, its words were comforting but presented me with the foreign concept of forgiveness and moving on. ever since then, i have anxiously awaited the day i could finally hear the song and feel it 100%. well, i just realized the other day that i’ve finally reached that day.

here are the lyrics:

It's almost like you had it planned
It's like you smiled and shook my hand and said
"Hey, I'm about to screw you over big time"
And what was I supposed to do?
I was stuck in between you and hard place
We won't talk about the hard place

But I don't blame you anymore
That's too much pain to store
It left me half dead
Inside my head
And boy, looking back I see
I'm not the girl I used to be
When I lost my mind
It saved my life

It's how you wanted it to be
It's like you played a joke on me
And I lost a friend
In the end
And I think that I cried for days
But now that seems light years away
And I'm never going back
To who I was

Cause I don't blame you anymore
That's too much pain to store
It left me half dead
Inside my head
And boy, looking back I see
I'm not the girl I used to be
When I lost my mind
It saved my life

I think that I cried for days
But now that seems light years away
And I'm never going back
To who I was

Cause I don't blame you anymore
That's too much pain to store
It left me half dead
Inside my head
And boy, looking back I see
I'm not the girl I used to be
When I lost my mind
It saved my life

That life seems like light years away
Light years away
And that life seems like light years away
Light years away

thomas, what you and she did to me was very wrong, especially the latter situation, and i doubt i’ll ever forget that sting. however, i’m over it. i’m a different person now, and my life has gone on just fine without you in it…something i once thought could not ever be possible. that being said, i’m absolutely okay, and i have been for awhile now. i’m at peace with what happened, and it doesn’t bother me anymore.

kudos to justin for showing me this song so very long ago, and kudos to mozella for putting these emotions so beautifully into music.

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so here we are nearing the end of january, and it seems like we were ringing in the new year yesterday. wait, who am i kidding? it seems like we were ringing in 2008 just yesterday. dang.

anyway, so nothing’s really gone on here lately. i’ve helped nicole sell a lot of stuff online…some Manolo Blahnik shoes, some video games, etc. i’ve been reading a lot of stuff for school, going to work…nothing else much. i’ve spent a lot of time in douglas lately taking care of bess (who’s currently residing with my parents) since my landlord won’t allow puppies to stay here. i’m hoping to have her back here come may…i’m anxiously awaiting it.

anyway, that’s about it, really. as for the last entry, my friends are doing alright. they’re doing the best they can, i mean…they’re just grateful to be alive and well. the friend who was sexually assaulted is seeking counseling, and she’s being extremely strong. i’m so proud of her; she’s such an amazing woman. i thank you all on their behalf for all your prayers, good vibes, thoughts, etc. they’ve definitely needed it.

that being said…that’s the end of this blog entry.

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On Thursday afternoon, some of my friends were robbed at gunpoint in their own apartment…one of said friends was raped twice in the process. Everyone’s okay, though, and my friend seems to be holding herself together really well…she’s very strong. Please send good vibes to them all.

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jacob’s dog stella was hit and killed by a car today. she was like, the family dog for our little family. she had a tremendous personality that reminded one of a little old lady friend who tagged along wherever we went. i’m going to miss her sleeping beside me, hogging the bed.

i’ll see you in strawberry fields, stellaluna.

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ever since new management took over my apartment complex, they’ve started this rule that you can’t have puppies or kittens. animals have to be at least a year old before you get them. this is unfair, if you ask me, because it seems like they’re trying to keep people from obtaining new animals…it’s like they’re only allowing animals that were with the residents once they moved in.

anyway, so the bug guy comes today, and a maintenance man came with him. well, said maintenance man– who’s never said shit about carli, norma jean, etc.– effing tattles on me to the management. i got a call soon after they came by from the front office, telling me i can’t keep a puppy here. i said it was my friend’s dog and i was puppy-sitting for the time being. either way, i’ve got a find a place for bess to go since i know they’ll be checking throughout the week to see whether or not the puppy’s still here.

i’m so upset. ugh.

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from pineapple express:

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after several days of wii fit action, i’ve decided that i really love it. i got it for christmas, and bek and jacob and i have been playing it since i got back. it’s fun, it’s active, and it tracks your progress! so awesome.

i got an ipod touch for christmas, as well, and had to send it off to the apple folks the other day. once i tried to install the latest software update, it wasn’t being recognized anymore by my computer. i couldn’t even restore the thing. it was terribly, terribly frustrating! here’s hoping they can fix it…and if not, maybe they can just send me a new one. =P

today, nicole, jacob, and i went to grand bay. it was chilly but nice outside. we had a pretty good time. lola grace (jacob’s shih-tzu puppy) slept in my hoodie pocket nearly the entire time. i swear. yes, it’s effing precious.

so…there’s about to be a huge change at my apartment regarding my, uh, vast assortment of wildlife. norma jean, my rat, is going back to her original owner, and carli sue, my cat, is more than likely going to live with my supervisor, elizabeth. she’s going to be an outdoor cat, something i think she needed to be, anyway, due to her nasty attitude. i’m really sad to let her go, but i’ve been thinking about it for awhile now. i think she’ll be a lot happier outside, anyway. regardless, i’m pretty sad to give her up, even if she IS a heinous bitch…she’s sweet about 20% of the time, honestly.

why am i giving my animals up? well, this is where i probably seem nasty and selfish. lola grace’s sister, elizabeth, needs a home, and i’m going to get her. i’m VERY excited about owning a shih-tzu puppy. i’ve wanted a shih-tzu for a very long time, and i’m confident i can raise her well. i feel terrible about having to give up 2 animals for the dog, but i think ultimately, it’s for the best.

what do YOU think?

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i got all As this semester! booyah! =)

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cash is running tight, but i have some ideas for easy, cheap presents to give to the kids in my family. that shouldn’t be hard to do.

i’m still seeking ideas for gifts for those hard-to-buy folks like my uncle. i know he’d appreciate any sort of sports gifts he could get, though, so i’m looking into that. he loves the georgia bulldogs, that’s for sure…anything georgia is game!

i put my guitar and a necklace on craigslist today for sale. here’s hoping someone’s interested. i’m having a christmas get-together this saturday and won’t provide any refreshments, since they all pretty much went to waste at my birthday party…it’s strictly BYOB this time! my next check won’t be deposited until december 23rd, so i’ve got to make the most out of my moolah until then!

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she freaking apologized for her 40+ pound weight gain over 2 years. what’s there to apologize about? she’s just like anybody else who struggles with their weight. i’ve gained about 20 of my lost pounds back since the beginning of the year. it sucks, but i’m not apologizing to anybody for it. it’s my own fault that i let food control me, and it’s my own selfishness that allows me to keep eating stuff that’s not good for me. don’t apologize to anyone, oprah. shit. you just like to eat, honey; ain’t nothin’ wrong with that. come live in georgia; we WORSHIP greasy food here.

anyway, i worked for awhile today and then went to the mall to pick up my new glasses. i broke my other pair when i was in atlanta…i took them off to polish on my shirt and they literally broke in half. i had to superglue them back together until today. suckage! these new ones are super cute and remind me of the ones bethany has…they’re brown outside with pale blue on the inside. of course, they still fit the standard “librarian” look i’ve been sporting for nearly 5 years now…but i don’t mind; i think they suit me.

in other news, my dad got laid off again. first he was laid off from mclendon, now he’s laid off from this new job he’s got in savannah. they say it’s only for 3 weeks, and he hasn’t had to give his linc, truck, etc. back, but i’m still worried about money. i hate so much how it affects him to be unemployed. my daddy’s not someone who likes to sit around all day; he HAS to be doing something…so this period of time really, really sucks for him. keep your fingers crossed that these 3 weeks will bring the company more work so my daddy can regain his job.

tonight’s practice night for my last reference presentation. i’ll be really excited to get this over with tomorrow. i’m ready for a month-long break!

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come tomorrow, the fam is starting back on weight watchers. we haven’t paid a lot of attention to what we’ve been eating, so it’s back to the healthy cooking and the incorporating of exercise into daily activity.

atlanta was fun this weekend. saturday evening, annie, matt, jacob, jamey and i ate at doc chey’s and then went to cafe intermezzo, where my glasses broke in half when i tried to polish the lenses with my shirt. ugh! i have to get new ones today. i stayed at annie’s newly-built townhouse…it was gorgeous! sunday, we all went to junkman’s daughter in little five points, where i finished christmas shopping for beeka. and wandered around for awhile. then we drove back to valdosta, and here we are, watching orange county on tbs.

as for class, the end is finally in sight. i’m hoping to have all A’s this semester. we’ll see how it goes!

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4.5 hours till i have to be up. i’m not looking forward to the drive to macon, but i’m certainly excited about atlanta. i’ve missed mark and annie something awful.

well, i’m all set for tomorrow. i’ve got my gay man, cash, gas, affordable auto insurance, coffee, and lots of exciting plans. i hope i get a lot of christmas shopping done while i’m up there. i’m stoked!

and some random thoughts before bedtime:

jackie from roseanne is on one of those “help feed a child” commercials. ridiculous.

the circle scene i just saw from the last ever christmas episode of that 70’s show was really funny.

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jacob and i decided last night that since this biological warfare is set to occur in 4 years and since the aztec calendar’s been purporting 2012 as the end of the world for thousands of years now, we might as well piss away whatever money we’ve got and just travel. and if the world doesn’t end in 2012 or 2013, then we’ll get a little crew together and make a porno (thanks, zack & miri, for the idea) for money. regardless of how this turns out, we’ve decided we should make a youtube channel and become famous that way. i mean, look at half the people who are famous because of youtube. they do something weird and dumb and bam, they’re famous. why can’t we do that, too? i mean, we could dress jacob and andy up in tuxedos and do some ridiculously lame james bond thing and maybe it’d take off. iiii dunno.

i say all this in jest, of course, but really, when you think about it, who knows if we’ll live or die tomorrow? why SHOULDN’T i just pack up my stuff and GO somewhere? because of money, that’s why. because we’re all worried about money and finances. what if i die tomorrow and i’ve still got money that i could’ve used to travel? that would suck. i’d at least like to leave this country one time before i die. sometimes i think it might be beneficial to know the future just so we could put together plans to enjoy life to its fullest before we kick the bucket.

anyway. um, bibliography time? yes? sigh.

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and jacob and i are sitting in his studio outside, singing along to the killers while he paints and i type up this bibliography. it’s surprisingly cozy in here. yes, you should be jealous. soon, we’re going to buy stuff for soup, make it, and then take some to beeka in the printshop. i love our little family so much.

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i have class in macon on saturday, and i’m hoping i’ll be out of there by the early afternoon so i can get to annie’s earlier. i’m staying with annie saturday night and spending sunday with mark. i love atlanta. it seems like i go up there every year around this time to visit my friends. i absolutely love it.

annie just bought a huge, new house. from what i can tell in pictures, it’s gorgeous. she’s excited to have her first overnight guest, and i’m excited to stay there. i’m thinking beka and jacob are coming along for the trip, so that’s pretty exciting. i normally spend those weekends in macon by myself. it’s fun sometimes, but other times, it gets a little lonely.

i was in best buy with beeka last night and found animal crossing. no, i still haven’t bought it. i had the itch to buy it last night but decided against it because i knew that while it’s tremendously fun to pick out home theater carpeting and all sorts of crazy stuff for your little house in the game, i would NEVER get any work done whatsoever if i bought the game now. so i’m going to hold off on it for a little while…maybe i can use christmas money on it. rachel wants to play with me, too, on her wii, so it looks like i might go for the version that comes with wiispeak. pretty exciting stuff.

but enough babble. *glances at the coffee table loaded in articles* i’ve got a lot of reading to do. =(

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within the past few days, i’ve listened to the gossip a lot more. if you haven’t heard this band yet, i highly suggest you give them a try. beth ditto is effing amazing. her vocals at times remind me of a more rockin’ janis joplin. go listen to “your mangled heart” (the subject of this entry is from it). it’s AWESOME!

the past few days have been pretty good, aside from the fact that my bibliography is only 1/4 done and i still have no reference topic. sunday night, jamey put highlights in my hair and cut it. it looks amazing. last night, bek and i went to jacob’s for andy’s birthday get-together. floyd (britni’s dog) ended up getting out, which led on a 2-hour chase for him. today (yesterday, really), i went to jacob’s and we sat in his studio while he painted and i read articles for my bibliography. later on, i went laptop-shopping for bek. she didn’t find anything. then jacob came over for a bit then we went to see bek at the print shop. one of her classmates was in the shop late at night, working on her prints as well. she ended up babbling the whole time about her term life insurance rates, and i thought we were going to go crazy. no wonder bek doesn’t like to go up there alone.

anyway, it’s really late, and i have to be up early. sayonara.

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i’ve been thinking lately that it may be smart for me to invest in a sugar daddy. well, actually, it would be he who’d invest in me. i don’t see anything wrong with having a gentleman buy some girl lavish things while receiving no sort of gratification in return. if someone wants to buy me a buttload of cool stuff for free, why turn it down? i could ask some guy for Moroccan furniture and he’d send it my way. now THAT’s living, huh? of course, i don’t know what i’d do with Moroccan furniture in my home as it wouldn’t match my decor much, but again, it’s the idea that counts. i’d gladly take an ipod touch if he were to send one.

unfortunately, though, i doubt a sugar daddy exists in my future as these rich males are looking for petite, cute, sexy females that resemble something out of an adult film or fashion show. and i’ve got the same words for these guys as you all probably have for me…honey, it ain’t gonna happen.

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bethany sent me this video. it’s AWESOME. best thing i’ve seen on youtube in forever!

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so first, jami and brittany came over when i got off work. we dicked around for awhile and they left around 8 or so. then beka came over. i ended up falling asleep on the couch while she was there, and when andy and jacob arrived around 9:45ish, i was still asleep. then jacob informed me that once his friend jamie got to town, they were going to the gay bar. bek and i wanted to go, so i got ready, she got ready, we met over at jacob’s and drove to the bar. when we got there, we realized they didn’t accept any forms of plastic whatsoever for drinks, which is lame. then we found out jamie left his ID at jacob’s. so before we paid the cover, we headed to the ATM and then back to jacob’s. after all this, we ended up getting to the bar around 1. it closed at 2. either way, we had a good time. after that was all said and done, we went to denny’s to stuff our faces.

i swear, i need an appetite suppressant with the way i’ve been eating lately. it’s terrible! i had the same issues last year during this time trying to control how much i eat. luckily, i weigh a little less now than i did this time last year, so all in all, i haven’t stuck to my diet so well, but i haven’t paid great prices for it, either, just because i’ll watch what i eat some weeks and others, i pig out. but i digress.

we ended up back at the apartment at 3:30 and ended up crashing at 4. que noche! [insert symbols where needed]

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