so i’m here at work for another 2 hours and i’m craving chinese food like no one’s business. it’s taking every ounce of my willpower to not get beijing cafe for dinner…but i won’t do it! i CAN lose this weight on my own…i certainly gained it by myself, didn’t i? haha. i won’t even take any Hydroxycut hardcore
for my weight issues just because i’m so determined to do it on my own. i’ve been doing a really good job of watching what i eat. i guess i’ll save beijing for next week’s food reward once i weigh in (if i do well, that is!). ;)

Originally published at skankage.com. Please leave any comments there.

ever since late february, i’ve started gaining slowly back the weight i’d lost. a few weeks ago, i realized that i weighed 227…a full 22 pounds from my lowest weight. i knew then it was time to put my foot down.

so beka and i have been dieting for 2 weeks now, and i’ve been doing absolutely great. i’ve lost about 7 pounds total since we started. my goal for this session is to lose 35 pounds so i can finally be in “one-derland,” as we weight watchers chicks lovingly refer to it. i canceled my weight watchers subscription once i found out my dad had lost his job, and i haven’t reinstated it. i’ve just been watching what i eat and stepping on the scale once a week. so far, so good!

here’s to not letting the sweet potato casserole get the best of me come thanksgiving. here’s to reaching one-derland by december! *raises bottle of water*

Originally published at skankage.com. Please leave any comments there.

i bought alex’s year-old external hard drive for $10 (it’s 80G, which should allow me to clear up some crap on my computer at least until i can get a bigger drive). so while i was letting it reformat around 11pm, i fell asleep. and i woke up around 3 and it had been finished for quite some time. and i fell back asleep. and then i woke up around 5 and decided to move some stuff on it. and now i’m still tired.

my enrollment verification didn’t go through when i turned the form in on august 20th. i don’t know if it got lost in the mail or what (great.). i submitted a new one early last week, so if the health insurance company doesn’t receive it by the 30th of this month, i’m insurance-less, and that’s pretty much going to suck. i’ve got options for different health plans at my job, but i’d have to wait for open enrollment until i could apply for them…and i have no idea when open enrollment is or how insurance operates. growing up is some creepy stuff.

mark got a new hag. as much as i try to brush it off, it makes me kind of sad.

according to the weather channel, it’s going to be 56 degrees the night of october 2nd. ahh. excitement. i’m so glad the fall’s coming. i was getting really sick of the nasty heat. fall always reminds me of band. i think beka and i are going to try to start going to the football games with the greg group. haha, “greg group.” i don’t really know what else to call them all. anyway, it’d be really fun.

my hard drive’s done transferring mp3s. excitement abounds…

in other news, i lost 5 pounds this week. and that absolutely made my day.

Originally published at skankage.com. Please leave any comments there.

so i’m in macon in my hotel room. i’m up here this weekend for my MLIS 7000 class. most of my classes will be online except for this one and the capstone course i’ll take during my last semester. it’s not so bad. i’ve met some really nice people so far, and this one guy in my class looks like dwight schrute…no kidding. the program fed us pizza today and also hooked us up with some goodie bags. maybe they’re trying to make us feel more comfortable and happy so we can’t get away. lol. i don’t know.

anybody who knows me knows how much i love hurricane season. i am obsessed with it. so when tropical storm fay started heading to south georgia, i was SUPER excited…and then it came. and it was wet and windy and i had to work while it was going on and then i had to drive all the way to macon in this shitty weather. and suddenly, the fabulous fay wasn’t so fun anymore. i almost got in a wreck today driving up here. i was paying careful attention to my surroundings and speed due to the constant rain and heavy winds when a truck drove by, pulling a u-haul behind it. the trailer hit some sort of standing water, which in turn hit my windshield. it was already raining so hard, i could barely see, so that only added to the problem. there was nothing but a wall of water in front of me for only a few seconds, but it felt like a full minute; i could see nothing beyond it. scary stuff.

now for the important stuff. my hours at work increased by 10, so i’m gonna be working nearly 30 hours this semester. i’m pretty glad about that. i was starting to feel real lazy, especially now that my classes are online. this became an even bigger blessing upon learning yesterday that my dad was laid off. this came as a surprise to me, but my dad had been thinking it would happen for awhile since the company hasn’t been getting much work. our family’s going to be financially okay; we’ll just have to cut corners, get rid of some luxuries, and watch spending, of course. i’m going to see about taking out a loan to cover rent for the next 6 months or so along with my tuition. i canceled both my monthly weight watchers and WoW subscriptions…$55 saved. i stuck my credit card back in the freezer, and i’m going to look up information about MLIS scholarships soon since the deadlines for most of those are in march. we’re gonna be okay, it’s just a big change. i worry about my dad sitting around the house all day without something to do…he can’t stand to be bored. i really hope he can find work soon. i feel terrible for him, and i feel guilty for being such a huge financial burden on my family for so long. all i can do now, though, is just be much more mindful about spending and try to help my family out however i can.

man, i look like hell lately. i’m getting really fat again. not as fat as i was, but NOTICEABLY fatter nonetheless. it’s bad. my hair’s a constant frizz, and i’m breaking out like no one’s business. my straightener and pimple cream can’t even help me. i guess i’m just having an ugly week…eh, it happens. as for my weight, well, that’s just some stuff i need to get back to work on. well, less eating out means less bad food for me…so, yeah.

i guess that’s about all that’s going on lately. please keep my dad in your thoughts and prayers…i worry about him and his emotions during this rough time.

Originally published at skankage.com. Please leave any comments there.

Originally published at skankage.com. Please leave any comments there.

the bug man woke me up at 8 this morning. except it wasn’t 8; it was actually 9.  blah.

i weighed in this morning and it turns out i gained 3 pounds last week. i made some pretty poor food choices while we were in fernandina this past weekend, so i know that’s the reason…but it sure tasted good at the time. well, actually, it didn’t really taste as good as it felt to not worry about making a good choice. i just picked the bad choice and that was that; i was going to eat my greasy food, thank you very much. speaking of food, my kitchen lacks milk, cheese, bread, cereal that’s not stale, and yogurt. have i gone to walmart to take care of this? no. why? because i am lazy and poor. i wish VSU would hurry up with that orlando refund check. we’re all waiting around for our $100 that we spent in orlando over a month ago now.

i got a letter from the grad school yesterday suggesting that i re-take the GRE because my scores were below the minimum. that is sad. i’ve taken 3 standardized tests in less than a year; i’m so over it. i think i’ll tell them to suck it and accept my fucking scores just because my credentials can kick their credentials’ asses.

i gave 6 baby fish away last night to melissa. her mean goldfish instantly took after one of the babies and nipped its hind fin, so melissa put the goldfish in another tank. i think the baby is probably dead by now. oh well. there’s plenty more baby fish to get rid of.

i got the latest issue of EGM today in the mail. i’m always signing up for free subscriptions to magazines i’ll never read. i like magazines, but i usually just flip through them half-assedly or use them as toilet reading material. the only ones i really enjoy are the ones that are more expensive and would never be offered as a free subscription, like TIME or people. i have free subscriptions to bridal guide (i know, right? i just like to look at the pretty dresses), marie claire, GFW, EGM, and spin. i subscribed to lucky for a year when my cousin was selling magazine subscriptions for his school. and honestly, i don’t really enjoy any of those magazines. i did, however, flip through the new EGM and noticed how all its non-gaming advertisements were targeted towards males. male razors, male cologne that will appeal to the ladies, blahblah. it’s kind of amusing how that works out. and oh, they said to expect animal crossing for the wii in japan this year. but i think that was a duh. when it comes out over here (if it even does), it’ll be like mario galaxy day all over again. speaking of, i never finished mario galaxy. maybe i should jump on that sometime soon. i really suck at video games.

this is a long babble. i wonder what i’ll do today? maybe i’ll go back to sleep for another hour or two just because i can. oooh.

Originally published at skankage.com. Please leave any comments there.

i joined weight watchers in june of last year and made a promise to myself to stick with it this time until i ultimately reached my goal of a healthy BMI & weight (the two kind of go hand-in-hand) and a lifetime membership with ww (which occurs once you reach and stick with your goal weight). i realized i had about 100 pounds to lose before my body was at a healthy weight range, and i remember feeling like i had a hell of a long way to go. the first week, i lost 4.4 pounds, and i was really excited. i remember hitting the 20 pound mark and feeling super proud of myself. then i lost 30. then 40. and then i weighed in today…

since june 2007, i have lost 50.8 pounds.

i’m halfway to my goal weight! i’m so excited. i’ve never done something so tremendous for myself before. =)

i’ve also updated my weight watchers progress page (see the links on the left) with this milestone. the coding is a little wonky, but i don’t really care. the pictures always remind me of why it’s important to persevere.

Originally published at skankage.com. Please leave any comments there.

well, my size 18 pants have been ridiculously baggy for a little while now, so i decided it was high time to head to old navy to step down a size (the last time i went down a size was probably in september). i bought THREE pairs of size 16 pants and one pair of L shorts (not XXL or XL…just L!) and a cute top to boot. i spent like $80 there, but i mean, that’s 3 pairs of pants, a pair of shorts, and a nice top, so it all ends up pretty good. those pants are usually $30 apiece, anyway.

i then went to tj maxx and found the cutest dress in a size 14. well, i’m just now getting into a 16, but i figured it was worth a shot. it fit! sooo…i got the dress. then nicole and i went to belk, where i used my gift card for a bottle of the givenchy perfume i’ve been wanting for so long. and then nicole found me a gorgeous size 16 dress that’s brown with silk straps and velvet and satin touches. it’s gorgeous…and it looked amazing. it was normally $129…i got it for $20. hells yes! and it’s a very formal dress, too, not just some church dress, so it’ll be great to wear to my richie cousin’s wedding in april.

so then i went to walmart and bought some hair dye along with my groceries, which i’m letting set in now. nicole went to mellow to pick up a medium kosmic karma pizza for us. mmm.

i have been absolutely unproductive this weekend (besides the fact that i now have 2+ bags of stuff to take to goodwill). i have lots of journal entries waiting to be written and i guess i’ll be pulling an all-nighter tomorrow on those. uh-oh. =( but man, i’m having a good time so far. i’m glad nicole’s here. but no more money spending, kt. none!

i’ll probably post pictures later on of myself in my new shit after my hair’s done.

ps: can’t you tell that i got paid last week? i mean, seriously, i would have never been able to put all this shit on my credit card (it’s back in the freezer in a block of ice again, anyway).

updated now with pics behind the cut.

Originally published at skankage.com. Please leave any comments there.

monday - staff development wasn’t so bad. lots of free food. i announced that i was willing to be a full-time genealogy librarian if they’d wait 2 years for me to go to library school and then chuck laughed and told me if i get him the funding, he’ll hire me. so that made me feel kind of stupid in front of everybody. and then the day got real shitty.

tuesday - school was lame. i weighed in and lost 1 pound in the past week…so only 1 more to go till i hit -50 and 3 more to go until i hit my 20% mark (meaning i’ve lost 20% of my body fat). so exciting. =) dinner at david/greg/matt’s was delicious. we had ravioli, bread & oil (that stuff is an absolute hit), and a pineapple dessert. it was wonderful. and then the boys (matt, ryan, howard, and david) all started playing poker, and i went home. i was kind of tired, anyway.

wednesday - worked this morning and read an entire row of shelves…i was pretty proud of myself for that; reading shelves takes a lot of time and a real effort to do, especially when they’re juvenile nonfiction! i made an 80 on my book review for my conspiracy theories class, but i didn’t even read the whole book, so i guess that grade was to be expected, so whatever. went to yoga tonight and at the gym, i saw my maymester friend ashley, and she was shocked to see me because of how much weight i’ve lost (she hasn’t seen me since i was at 260 lbs in may, cramming my face with mcdonald’s every day). it made me feel really good. yoga was a lot of fun. i feel like i’ve had a real workout because my muscles are somewhat sore, but it was incredibly relaxing. there’s a lot of focus on breathing and meditation. for 45 minutes, i really felt like all the stress i’ve been going through had absolutely disappeared. and then i walked out of the quiet room into the loud gym. haha. =P the people at the rec center are such assholes now about having your ID. i mean, you couldn’t get through the entrance without an ID, anyway, so why do they need to double-check to make sure you have it? this one girl was totally rude about it, too. i came back to the apartment and finished watching the dvd tessie had rented for me, something to talk about, and ate some baked grouper and peas. i love grouper. i also saw the lunar eclipse tonight. it was an orange-ish color before i got cold and decided i’d seen all it was gonna do and i went inside. i took pictures, but they kind of suck. oh, and i found out today that doves are roosting in my hanging christmas cactus (it’s not a real cactus). mama says they’ll kill the plant, but i told her i wasn’t about to go kill some baby birds. so i’ve pretty much got a temporary pet bird who’s gonna have babies on my porch. neat, eh?

tomorrow, my group for my POLS 2200 class has to present a powerpoint on education, and i have to dress nicely for it. when have i ever dressed nicely for class? oh, well. i took business writing and american democracy (the 2200 class) just to cram in some extra hours so i could graduate and i end up having the most work in the 2 bullshit classes. i thought my business writing teacher liked me, but apparently, she grades ridiculously hard on assignments and marked all sorts of things on my memo wrong. i didn’t even know wtf i did half the time, and she refused to tell us what our mistakes were as we were revising them. so i just did the best i could at revising the damned thing and turned it in. i’m getting my oil changed in my car tomorrow at 2, as well, and hopefully they can find out what the hell is going on with my battery and all. so i probably won’t get to come home before work, which will suck because by the time 8pm rolls around, i will be simply starving.

friday, i’ll work all day long and then nicole will come over sometime. i keep saying i want to go out (i hate bars), but i think all i really want to do is dress nicely for no reason. i have this urge to wear this really cute navy blue dress i got from the GAP outlet a month ago along with my metallic gold heels. i have nobody to impress but myself, but hell, a little self-confidence never hurt anybody.  i wish we had a place around here where you could dance and not catch emphysema at the same time. blah bars, they all love smokers.

saturday, nicole has to coach a soccer game in moultrie, so i’ll probably stick around the house and work on schoolwork while she does that.

sunday, my grandma’s birthday dinner will finally take place (she got sick last weekend, so no chicken pot pie). so i have to go home for that. when i come back that night, jess and i are going to cram for our conspiracy theory midterm. and i have a feeling that on monday night, tessie and i will be cramming for that awful democracy midterm.

and there you have it, ladies and gents, my entire week, all planned out. wow, this ended up being a lot longer than i’d intended. bedtime.

Originally published at skankage.com. Please leave any comments there.

and here it is, as briefly as possible.

i’m getting fat again (i gained 4 pounds last week. how is that possible?!) so i’ve sought to stop that this week. i weigh in tonight…wish me luck.

school is school. it’s not unbearable…yet. i’m actually not procrastinating this semester (so far)…wow! proud of me? hell, I’M proud of me. i actually feel smart in 2 of my classes…but they’re the bullshit classes, so go figure. =P mock trial is the internship i’m taking, and we go to competition in orlando in like, 4 weeks. shit, i’m nervous. i don’t want to let anyone down. but the good thing is, after we compete, we’re done. that’s one less class for me…woot.

i only close one night during the week now. it’s awesome. i like my new work schedule.

i bought a thermos last night and attempted to drink directly from it today. i ended up spilling hot coffee all over myself. i had to go home and change…luckily, i wasn’t far from my apartment. i’m just glad it didn’t happen in class. my car smells like coffee now.

i’m still listening to sweeney todd nonstop.

i think my mom misses me. she keeps asking if i’m going to come home for a weekend, and i’ve been home at least one day out of every weekend for the past month or so now. i just think she wants me to stay for more than one day, though. i really love seeing my family, but the drive sure does suck.

oh, and probably the biggest announcement of all…i applied to library school. i’m not going to law school anymore. i just don’t want to deal with all that legal shit for the next 40 years of my life. it’s just not my thing anymore.

other than all that…i have a shitload (meaning 15+) of baby fish to give away. who wants some?!

Originally published at skankage.com. Please leave any comments there.

i’m so excited! i’ve wanted one for quite some time now, and i finally gave in and bought one with the kohl’s gift card my aunt and uncle gave me. i bought a permanent filter to go with it, and both items together nearly cleared my gift card. after i left kohl’s, i went to walmart and bought a thing of folgers vanilla ground coffee, a tub of fat free creamer, and some fat free cool whip. i have since created a delicious vanilla-y coffee that is, according to the weight watchers recipe builder, 1 point per cup. now, if i actually figure this out on my own, it registers as a little more, but i’m going with what they say. lol.

• 1 cup of black coffee…duh. i don’t think it matters if you’ve got vanilla or not, but it would help. fill your cup till you’ve got like, 2 cm before the rim.

• 3 packets of equal (if you’re using splenda, you might want to limit your packets to one or two)

• 1/2 teaspoon of fat free creamer

• 1/8 cup 1% milk (if even that. i added just enough to flavor and turn the coffee a light brown)

• top with 2 tablespoons of fat free cool whip.

it’s quite delicious and only 1 point. amen!

Originally published at skankage.com. Please leave any comments there.

so i’m back from kentucky. and last night, i got horribly drunk at lindsey’s…but it was fun. my christmas decorations have been taken down, and my apartment could still use a good cleaning, but i’ll get around to it some other time. i also ate a lot of stuff over the holidays, so i’ve gained probably like 5+ pounds. blah. but it’s a new month and a new year and the holidays are now OVER, which means the goodies and temptations are GONE, so back on plan i go!

Originally published at skankage.com. Please leave any comments there.

last night, i weighed in. and i lost 4.2 pounds during thanksgiving week! amazing, no? i think the biggest thing for me was going easy on the desserts and sweet potatoes and splurging instead on my mom’s delicious green beans, which are low in points. i DID have a lot of grandma’s dressing, though. so i don’t know how i managed that one…i guess just because i tracked everything and kept myself in check! either way, my grand total weight loss is now 41 pounds exactly. i’ve set a mini-goal for myself to lose at least 9 more pounds by dec. 31 so i can end this year right with a total loss of 50 pounds in 6 months! super exciting. =)

i decorated some more last night. my apartment is pretty much done. i need to decorate my porch, but i’m saving that for last. i need to vacuum and dust my room and wash sheets and clean the kitchen and all sorts of junk, but it’ll just have to wait. i have an early final tomorrow in my state & local government class. it’s weighted like any other test, but the only grades we have in there are participation (which should be decent), that group paper (which is like a 3rd of our grade…and we got an A), and the midterm (which i barely got a C on because everything i studied wasn’t on the test). so either way, i need an A. i don’t really want a B, although i’ll take it if i get it. it doesn’t sound like it’d be that hard of a class, and it’s really not. so that’s why i want an A. once that test is over with, i can continue cleaning and finishing off decorations.

my favorite decoration this year is my mom’s nativity set. she’s had it since she was a little girl, and i grew up seeing this nativity set put out every year. i think that’s one reason i like christmas decorations so much…the tradition and memories behind them all. my mom has ornaments on her tree that are 60+ years old; they came from her grandmother. i love how these things are passed on from generation to generation. when i think of all this, i find myself feeling rather sad, though, when i think of ms. brenda. i know she’s dreading christmas this year, and i know it’s going to be even harder when she pulls out ornaments and decorations pete made for her while he was a kid. i pray that this season won’t be as bad for her as she thinks it will, and i pray that pete’s friends can support her and help her out during this rough time. i went to see her on thanksgiving day. driving through fox hills to pete’s house was incredibly hard. my eyes were welling up the entire time, and when i saw his house, i almost lost it…but i pulled myself together and went on in. entering the house was probably the worst part. i’m so used to pete and his mom greeting me while being enveloped in the smell of his house and fred’s persistent barking. everything else was the same…but pete was not there. what is it with smells and memories? walking in and smelling that house brought back hundreds of memories of so many things…summers spent watching days of our lives and playing risk (er, well, me complaining that i didn’t want to learn how to play and pete subsequently getting very frustrated with my unwillingness to learn)…christmas visits when pete came home for awhile from valdosta…the embarrassment nicole and i experienced when his dad heard us belting out moulin rouge from inside my car OUTSIDE the house (lol)…sigh. when i left a few hours later, my shirt smelled like pete’s house. going back to valdosta the other night was hard…i was listening to christmas music and i thought about what this season will be like for ms. brenda…and i absolutely cried my eyes out. and then i listened to scary christmas music (y’know, the christmas songs in minor keys, like “carol of the bells” and “o come, o come, emanuel.” those were mine and pete’s favorite kind. haha.) and felt better.

in other news, ludacris came out with a christmas song. it’s called “ludacrismas.” haha. it’s quite untraditional, but i love it.

Originally published at skankage.com. Please leave any comments there.

a lot of my fellow weight watchers members are dreading the approach of thanksgiving, fearing their internal weaknesses will take over their willpower to be healthy and thinner. our last meeting actually discussed all sorts of things we could do to prevent falling off the wagon during the holiday season, but it mainly stuck to the theme of…well, if you fall off the wagon (and you probably will because it’s the one day everyone can eat without shame), get back on the day after. sounds good to me!

i’m rather excited about thanksgiving. it’s the best holiday around because nobody chastises you for eating too much (yes, that’s my inner fatty talking). i love food…i’m sure you all know that. if i didn’t, i wouldn’t be on weight watchers in the first place. but i digress. i’m excited for thanksgiving because my grandma will make her famous dressing. oh, MAN, i LOVE that stuff! i want to say that she got the recipe from her mother, but i don’t know where mama knox (my great grandmother) got it from. either way, this stuff’s been in our family for 3 generations now (my mom can make it, but let’s be honest, she doesn’t do as good a job as grandma does. sorry, mama!), and every family member, even my picky cousin, LOVES it.

i’m not quite sure of the recipe, but i know it uses obvious ingredients like flour, butter, eggs, and milk. she also throws in onions, pepper, and various spices. it’s some amaaaaazing stuff. last year, though, we were in quite a dilemma when grandma’s mixer broke, and she had to whip it all up herself by hand. it was still amazingly good, but a bit lumpier than usual. sounds gross, i know, but that’s what happened. she should’ve used a Hamilton Beach® Mixer. these things can handle really tough jobs that a normal mixer can’t. since grandma has to make up several batches of this stuff to please us all, i just know this mixer could do the dirty work with ease. this is better than a hand mixer because it can do the mixing job for grandma so she can relax for a moment. she puts a lot of work into thanksgiving dinner, so any break she can get during the day is a welcomed one! the Hamilton Beach® Stand Mixer even offers a pouring piece and a splatter shield that fit on top of the bowl for easy pan-pouring and mixing without mess. y’know, i never used to care about kitchen supplies and appliances, but i love this stuff now. i like to compare features on the many different appliances out there, and this is definitely a great mixer. maybe my family can all pool our money together this christmas to get my grandma one of these things so she can keep on making that delicious dressing (yes, i know, gifts that benefit the giver, not so thoughtful, eh?). =) haha. if we get it for her in the month of november from their official website, all Eclectrics® products, including this Eclectrics® Mixer have free UPS ground shipping. hmm, that’s definitely an idea…

Originally published at skankage.com. Please leave any comments there.

i have one paper left to finish. it’s due by 11:59pm tonight, and i’ve been putting it off the best i can. it’s actually VERY easy to talk about; my topic is liberal democracy in america (yes, i picked the easiest one, of course…but if you had to write 4 papers in one week, you’d pick the easiest topic, too!). this is only the thing i’ve had pounded into my skull ever since i started working towards my bachelor’s degree in political science, so it’s not a hard thing to discuss…i just don’t want to to do it. ugh!

in other news, i ate at atlanta bread company this morning with tess and jessica. i had a pumpkin muffin top. it was divine. it was delicious. it was delectable.

and it was 8 points.

Originally published at skankage.com. Please leave any comments there.

forgive me, supportive friends, for i have sinned.

i am so ashamed of myself right now, i’m going to post it here for god and everyone to see just because i need to do this for cathartic reasons. the evidence is in the trash can, buried at the bottom so i won’t have to think about it and thomas won’t have to wander upon it, but i feel like a heroin addict who just shot up for the first time in a long time.

so hostess makes these 100 calorie cupcake things: …oh, they’re absolutely delicious. they’re just the right size for popping in your mouth, and i’d say if you put about 4-5 of the itsy-bitsy cupcakes together, you’d have a whole cupcake. well, i love cake. i REALLY love cake. i LOVE cupcakes. i saw these in the store and promised myself i wouldn’t go crazy. yeah, right, who’m i kidding? i know who i am. i should’ve known better, because i know how catie does. catie can’t eat just one.

you see, all those “100 calorie” things and i don’t get along because one isn’t enough for me. i don’t eat because i’m hungry; i eat because it tastes good and it’s something to do. well, the lonely box of cupcakes was calling my name tonight, and angered at it (no kidding, angered AT THE CUPCAKES) for killing off half my points today, i decided not to do the sensible thing and put them down the disposal or something. no, because why waste money?, i thought. so i ate them. i ate every goddamned cupcake in that box. all 18 mini cupcakes [6 packs of 3 bite-size cupcakes about the size of a 50-cent piece). it ends up being 12 points. now, one regular-sized version of these bad boys would be 4 points, so it could be a lot worse. regardless, i ate the entire thing. i opened 6 packages and popped them into my mouth, well aware of what i was doing. and the whole time i was doing it, it tasted good, it felt good in my mouth, and i liked it.

i’m sure half of you out there don’t see what the big deal is because they’re so small, but it bothers me that i did it now because i ate the WHOLE freakin’ BOX of them! i haven’t done something like that in a very long time. i feel incredibly full now, like i’m going to pop, all because of some stupid cupcakes that held no more REAL nutritional value than 3 grams of fiber per pack (wow, 18 grams of fiber…holy shit, i’m going to be gassy later).

everyone has their wars with their addictions. mine is food, and everyday, i struggle to fight against my food cravings and wants. a lot of times lately, those desires win. i have got to win back my motivation. thank god i’m not gaining like crazy…knock on wood. argh!

Originally published at skankage.com. Please leave any comments there.

not a joke. i just polished off a bag of bread and poured honey on each slice. that’s going to eat up (no pun intended) a crapload of my flexpoints, but man, it was good. i keep eating honey on everything lately. what’s with that? i guess it could be worse…i could be frying bread in lard and then eating it.

Originally published at skankage.com. Please leave any comments there.

i’ve updated my weight watchers progress page with a new picture and a new weight loss total. i dyed my hair last night, and you can see it on the page. woot. check it out.

Originally published at skankage.com. Please leave any comments there.

that, my dears, is the question. i’ve been on program for 20-something weeks now, and three of those weeks, i’ve gained weight. when i gain, mind you, it’s not an incredible gain– .6 at the most on one week– but it’s enough to discourage me some, although i know it shouldn’t.

yesterday after church, there was a special luncheon for pastor appreciation day, and i didn’t go because i wanted to save up my points for that night. i went with corey and nicole to lunch and they ate at el potro’s. i had a few chips and salsa and a glass of water…nothing else at all that day until that night. last night for dinner, i had a salad, creamed corn, chicken and broccoli casserole (my favorite), and ice cream cake…a big hunk of the stuff, too. i felt a little guilty, but i had gone on a long walk that afternoon that lasted for nearly an hour and a half, so i know i earned some activity points then. i recorded everything i ate and found that by the end of the week, i still had 22 flex points left over. who knew?

i still can’t shrug the feeling of dread i get when i think of my impending weigh-in tonight. i’m considering using my no-weigh-in pass just so i won’t have to know if i gained or not.  i don’t think i could handle 3 weeks in a row of gaining. it’s emotionally not cool, y’know? blah. i’ll probably weigh in anyway and slit my wrists later.

[that was a joke. i would not kill myself over gaining some weight. i also would never kill myself through wrist-slitting just because i'd probably throw up all over myself once i saw all the blood, and then when they found me, i'd be a great, big, fat, bloody and pukey mess.]

Originally published at skankage.com. Please leave any comments there.

my aunt beth bought some fiber one bars at walmart yesterday. they looked pretty good judging from the box, and after checking the nutrition facts, i realized that they really might be worth a shot. there are two types– peanut butter & oat (3 points per bar), and chocolate & oat (2 points per bar). they each have 9g of fiber in them (35% of your daily intake!). i just ate a chocolate one, and omfg. what was i thinking by buying those weight watchers bars this long? they hardly have such a big amount of fiber (fiber is good, kids, b/c it keeps you feeling full), and they’re about the same amount of points. they’re also more expensive ($5 for a box of 4, whereas fiber one bars are $2.50 for a box of 5). these fiber one bars are delicious. i only had the chocolate one, and it was amazing. i’m totally going to keep adding these to my grocery lists from now on…they’ll make for an excellent snack or an on-the-go breakfast for those mornings i decide to sleep in. yay for fiber one bars!

Originally published at skankage.com. Please leave any comments there.

that after 2 years of not being able to fit in target’s t-shirts, i can wear them now. and i don’t mean the plus section, either. take THAT, fat! =D

ps: this is totally the cutest i’ve looked for work in like, 3 months. now if i only had pants that weren’t baggy, we’d be in business. time to go!