i’ve loved the song “light years away” by mozella for a long time now, well before i could ever even relate to it. after the breakup last year, its words were comforting but presented me with the foreign concept of forgiveness and moving on. ever since then, i have anxiously awaited the day i could finally hear the song and feel it 100%. well, i just realized the other day that i’ve finally reached that day.

here are the lyrics:

It's almost like you had it planned
It's like you smiled and shook my hand and said
"Hey, I'm about to screw you over big time"
And what was I supposed to do?
I was stuck in between you and hard place
We won't talk about the hard place

But I don't blame you anymore
That's too much pain to store
It left me half dead
Inside my head
And boy, looking back I see
I'm not the girl I used to be
When I lost my mind
It saved my life

It's how you wanted it to be
It's like you played a joke on me
And I lost a friend
In the end
And I think that I cried for days
But now that seems light years away
And I'm never going back
To who I was

Cause I don't blame you anymore
That's too much pain to store
It left me half dead
Inside my head
And boy, looking back I see
I'm not the girl I used to be
When I lost my mind
It saved my life

I think that I cried for days
But now that seems light years away
And I'm never going back
To who I was

Cause I don't blame you anymore
That's too much pain to store
It left me half dead
Inside my head
And boy, looking back I see
I'm not the girl I used to be
When I lost my mind
It saved my life

That life seems like light years away
Light years away
And that life seems like light years away
Light years away

thomas, what you and she did to me was very wrong, especially the latter situation, and i doubt i’ll ever forget that sting. however, i’m over it. i’m a different person now, and my life has gone on just fine without you in it…something i once thought could not ever be possible. that being said, i’m absolutely okay, and i have been for awhile now. i’m at peace with what happened, and it doesn’t bother me anymore.

kudos to justin for showing me this song so very long ago, and kudos to mozella for putting these emotions so beautifully into music.

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so here we are nearing the end of january, and it seems like we were ringing in the new year yesterday. wait, who am i kidding? it seems like we were ringing in 2008 just yesterday. dang.

anyway, so nothing’s really gone on here lately. i’ve helped nicole sell a lot of stuff online…some Manolo Blahnik shoes, some video games, etc. i’ve been reading a lot of stuff for school, going to work…nothing else much. i’ve spent a lot of time in douglas lately taking care of bess (who’s currently residing with my parents) since my landlord won’t allow puppies to stay here. i’m hoping to have her back here come may…i’m anxiously awaiting it.

anyway, that’s about it, really. as for the last entry, my friends are doing alright. they’re doing the best they can, i mean…they’re just grateful to be alive and well. the friend who was sexually assaulted is seeking counseling, and she’s being extremely strong. i’m so proud of her; she’s such an amazing woman. i thank you all on their behalf for all your prayers, good vibes, thoughts, etc. they’ve definitely needed it.

that being said…that’s the end of this blog entry.

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On Thursday afternoon, some of my friends were robbed at gunpoint in their own apartment…one of said friends was raped twice in the process. Everyone’s okay, though, and my friend seems to be holding herself together really well…she’s very strong. Please send good vibes to them all.

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jacob’s dog stella was hit and killed by a car today. she was like, the family dog for our little family. she had a tremendous personality that reminded one of a little old lady friend who tagged along wherever we went. i’m going to miss her sleeping beside me, hogging the bed.

i’ll see you in strawberry fields, stellaluna.

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ever since new management took over my apartment complex, they’ve started this rule that you can’t have puppies or kittens. animals have to be at least a year old before you get them. this is unfair, if you ask me, because it seems like they’re trying to keep people from obtaining new animals…it’s like they’re only allowing animals that were with the residents once they moved in.

anyway, so the bug guy comes today, and a maintenance man came with him. well, said maintenance man– who’s never said shit about carli, norma jean, etc.– effing tattles on me to the management. i got a call soon after they came by from the front office, telling me i can’t keep a puppy here. i said it was my friend’s dog and i was puppy-sitting for the time being. either way, i’ve got a find a place for bess to go since i know they’ll be checking throughout the week to see whether or not the puppy’s still here.

i’m so upset. ugh.

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from pineapple express:

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the things my grandma and i always watch on TV together:

• the golden girls
• antiques roadshow
• WALB
• dateline
• meerkat manor
• crime scene investigation shows (law & order, cold case, TruTV stuff, etc.)

the things my daddy and i always watch on TV together:

• nature shows
• antique car auctions
• headline news
• the weather channel
• WALB

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after several days of wii fit action, i’ve decided that i really love it. i got it for christmas, and bek and jacob and i have been playing it since i got back. it’s fun, it’s active, and it tracks your progress! so awesome.

i got an ipod touch for christmas, as well, and had to send it off to the apple folks the other day. once i tried to install the latest software update, it wasn’t being recognized anymore by my computer. i couldn’t even restore the thing. it was terribly, terribly frustrating! here’s hoping they can fix it…and if not, maybe they can just send me a new one. =P

today, nicole, jacob, and i went to grand bay. it was chilly but nice outside. we had a pretty good time. lola grace (jacob’s shih-tzu puppy) slept in my hoodie pocket nearly the entire time. i swear. yes, it’s effing precious.

so…there’s about to be a huge change at my apartment regarding my, uh, vast assortment of wildlife. norma jean, my rat, is going back to her original owner, and carli sue, my cat, is more than likely going to live with my supervisor, elizabeth. she’s going to be an outdoor cat, something i think she needed to be, anyway, due to her nasty attitude. i’m really sad to let her go, but i’ve been thinking about it for awhile now. i think she’ll be a lot happier outside, anyway. regardless, i’m pretty sad to give her up, even if she IS a heinous bitch…she’s sweet about 20% of the time, honestly.

why am i giving my animals up? well, this is where i probably seem nasty and selfish. lola grace’s sister, elizabeth, needs a home, and i’m going to get her. i’m VERY excited about owning a shih-tzu puppy. i’ve wanted a shih-tzu for a very long time, and i’m confident i can raise her well. i feel terrible about having to give up 2 animals for the dog, but i think ultimately, it’s for the best.

what do YOU think?

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more animals

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i got all As this semester! booyah! =)

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cash is running tight, but i have some ideas for easy, cheap presents to give to the kids in my family. that shouldn’t be hard to do.

i’m still seeking ideas for gifts for those hard-to-buy folks like my uncle. i know he’d appreciate any sort of sports gifts he could get, though, so i’m looking into that. he loves the georgia bulldogs, that’s for sure…anything georgia is game!

i put my guitar and a necklace on craigslist today for sale. here’s hoping someone’s interested. i’m having a christmas get-together this saturday and won’t provide any refreshments, since they all pretty much went to waste at my birthday party…it’s strictly BYOB this time! my next check won’t be deposited until december 23rd, so i’ve got to make the most out of my moolah until then!

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she freaking apologized for her 40+ pound weight gain over 2 years. what’s there to apologize about? she’s just like anybody else who struggles with their weight. i’ve gained about 20 of my lost pounds back since the beginning of the year. it sucks, but i’m not apologizing to anybody for it. it’s my own fault that i let food control me, and it’s my own selfishness that allows me to keep eating stuff that’s not good for me. don’t apologize to anyone, oprah. shit. you just like to eat, honey; ain’t nothin’ wrong with that. come live in georgia; we WORSHIP greasy food here.

anyway, i worked for awhile today and then went to the mall to pick up my new glasses. i broke my other pair when i was in atlanta…i took them off to polish on my shirt and they literally broke in half. i had to superglue them back together until today. suckage! these new ones are super cute and remind me of the ones bethany has…they’re brown outside with pale blue on the inside. of course, they still fit the standard “librarian” look i’ve been sporting for nearly 5 years now…but i don’t mind; i think they suit me.

in other news, my dad got laid off again. first he was laid off from mclendon, now he’s laid off from this new job he’s got in savannah. they say it’s only for 3 weeks, and he hasn’t had to give his linc, truck, etc. back, but i’m still worried about money. i hate so much how it affects him to be unemployed. my daddy’s not someone who likes to sit around all day; he HAS to be doing something…so this period of time really, really sucks for him. keep your fingers crossed that these 3 weeks will bring the company more work so my daddy can regain his job.

tonight’s practice night for my last reference presentation. i’ll be really excited to get this over with tomorrow. i’m ready for a month-long break!

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i took care of some holiday shopping in atlanta, so beka’s presents are all taken care of. i’m really excited about what i’ve gotten her. i can’t ever wait till christmas for people to open their presents from me! i’ve still got several people to buy for, and fortunately, i made a bit of extra money during my class in macon when i sold my management book to a classmate, so i’m going to use that to pay for my dad’s present.

i’m working on extra ways lately to find money, which also means entering a contest where you come clean and confess about any impulse shopping sprees you may have had. you can win up to $33,000 in prizes just by confessing! i think i’ll talk about that on-a-whim ipod i bought nearly 3 years ago…i don’t regret my purchase, though. if you sign up and use my blog’s URL as the referral, i can win $500, which would be totally awesome. i have credit card bills to pay off, but who’m i kidding? that money would more than likely be spent on something i don’t need but want! story of my life, eh. even if you don’t want to confess about your shopping spree(s), check out the site; the stories are really funny.

here’s more information about the contest:

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come tomorrow, the fam is starting back on weight watchers. we haven’t paid a lot of attention to what we’ve been eating, so it’s back to the healthy cooking and the incorporating of exercise into daily activity.

atlanta was fun this weekend. saturday evening, annie, matt, jacob, jamey and i ate at doc chey’s and then went to cafe intermezzo, where my glasses broke in half when i tried to polish the lenses with my shirt. ugh! i have to get new ones today. i stayed at annie’s newly-built townhouse…it was gorgeous! sunday, we all went to junkman’s daughter in little five points, where i finished christmas shopping for beeka. and wandered around for awhile. then we drove back to valdosta, and here we are, watching orange county on tbs.

as for class, the end is finally in sight. i’m hoping to have all A’s this semester. we’ll see how it goes!

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4.5 hours till i have to be up. i’m not looking forward to the drive to macon, but i’m certainly excited about atlanta. i’ve missed mark and annie something awful.

well, i’m all set for tomorrow. i’ve got my gay man, cash, gas, affordable auto insurance, coffee, and lots of exciting plans. i hope i get a lot of christmas shopping done while i’m up there. i’m stoked!

and some random thoughts before bedtime:

jackie from roseanne is on one of those “help feed a child” commercials. ridiculous.

the circle scene i just saw from the last ever christmas episode of that 70’s show was really funny.

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jacob and i decided last night that since this biological warfare is set to occur in 4 years and since the aztec calendar’s been purporting 2012 as the end of the world for thousands of years now, we might as well piss away whatever money we’ve got and just travel. and if the world doesn’t end in 2012 or 2013, then we’ll get a little crew together and make a porno (thanks, zack & miri, for the idea) for money. regardless of how this turns out, we’ve decided we should make a youtube channel and become famous that way. i mean, look at half the people who are famous because of youtube. they do something weird and dumb and bam, they’re famous. why can’t we do that, too? i mean, we could dress jacob and andy up in tuxedos and do some ridiculously lame james bond thing and maybe it’d take off. iiii dunno.

i say all this in jest, of course, but really, when you think about it, who knows if we’ll live or die tomorrow? why SHOULDN’T i just pack up my stuff and GO somewhere? because of money, that’s why. because we’re all worried about money and finances. what if i die tomorrow and i’ve still got money that i could’ve used to travel? that would suck. i’d at least like to leave this country one time before i die. sometimes i think it might be beneficial to know the future just so we could put together plans to enjoy life to its fullest before we kick the bucket.

anyway. um, bibliography time? yes? sigh.

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“y’know, it’s so cold outside, we could get a pet penguin. ya know how cool that would be?” -jacob

hahahaha.

“that thing is ugly. it’s as ugly as your heart.” -not to jacob

—–

well, there’s supposed to be a biological attack in 2013 or by 2013 or whatever the news said. maybe those aztecs were onto something.

the economy is now officially in a recession, but britney spears is yet again the star of the news. okay, so yeah, i’m guilty of watching her “documentary” on MTV when it premiered, but really now, does our country REALLY think her life is more important than the economy?

in other news, carli sue is a BITCH. we put a muzzle on her the other night. pictures of the event are on facebook.

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and jacob and i are sitting in his studio outside, singing along to the killers while he paints and i type up this bibliography. it’s surprisingly cozy in here. yes, you should be jealous. soon, we’re going to buy stuff for soup, make it, and then take some to beeka in the printshop. i love our little family so much.

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